


A distortion of me

by The scribe (TheGreenHuntress109)



Series: Delight in Disorder [2]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Body Image, Crowley and Lily love Aziraphale, F/F, F/M, Fat Shaming, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable triad, Love, Multi, Sad Aziraphale (Good Omens), Unhappy Aziraphale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 11:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19744909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenHuntress109/pseuds/The%20scribe
Summary: The apoca-not is over, Aziraphale, Crowley and Lily have confessed their feelings and are living in the shop. By rights everything should be fine.But it's not.A random encouter with some gossipy girls has Aziraphale doubting his worth and the reminder of what Gabriel said to him about his corperation does nothing good. Can Lily and Crowley show him they love how he looks or will Aziraphale's anger push them away?





	A distortion of me

It had been three weeks after the not-pocalypse, as Crowley was calling it and after Lily’s giggle that was all he called it, nothing had happened in regards to heaven and hell. Aziraphale had been holding his breath for the initial two weeks before he settled into their new form of normal, where he was allowed to pull Crowley into a brief kiss on his was past the demon and where Lily would plant little kisses along the side of his neck to get him to come to bed. It was all rather lovely.

It had been something he had dreamed of for so many years, despite his feeling of guilt for not being able to choose between them at the time. He had been so very happy when he realised they could all be together and Crowley had shown him information on what they were. A polyamorous relationship, where they were all equal to each other in the relationship.

There hadn’t been much else to do after they had told heaven to, as Crowley had put it, ‘fuck off’ so Aziraphale continued on with his book shop, Lily helped out as usual with deliveries and organising the new books. Crowley, however, was a new addition to the shop. He hadn’t left since they all confessed their feelings and fell asleep in Lily’s bed, the only bed in the shop, and hadn’t even left the shop to go check on his plants.  
Oh, not that Aziraphale minded, on the contrary he enjoyed having his two beloveds’ in his shop, pottering about and trading kisses and touches. Crowley’s constant quest for one of his lovers to cuddle with or kiss had been a bit of a surprise to Aziraphale when he had been use to the quiet longing and the distances between them. Crowley had even asked a couple of times if Aziraphale loved him, to which the angel had told him how much. Aziraphale wasn’t worried, it just seemed the demon liked to be told how much he was loved.

Everything was fine.  
Until it wasn’t.

Aziraphale had been tending the books, making sure they were in their proper places, not that he didn’t trust Lily. It was just that Crowley had been distracting her as he was right that moment where the demon curled himself around her from behind and kissed her cheek. Aziraphale felt the burst of love he had for then rise up again, for the thousandth time that day. He smiled… Until a young voice cut through his happy haze.

“All three of them? Together?” The girl asked her friend, they both had come in at lunch and Aziraphale had suspected they were skipping school. It was the brunette that spoke. Aziraphale had gotten many looks from patrons who found out about their relationship and trutting. He refused to be embarrassed or shamed for their love. It had taken too long to be able to be this free and he was not going to let small minded mortals tell him how he could love. He had quite enough of heaven doing that, thank you very much.  
But that wasn’t it.

  
The blond one nodded, “I mean I don’t understand it, but whatever floats their boats.” She sniggered at that.  
The brunette gave an obnoxious laugh, “I know why, they can’t stand the fat one. Look at them they’re having a better time without him. Why they even bother with him I don’t know. Look at them their gorgeous.”  
Aziraphale shrunk back into the bookcase behind him, Gabriel’s words came back full force. _Get rid of the gut._  
  
And they were right. Both of them were gorgeous. Crowley with his fiery red hair that matched his fiery spirit, all long legged and sharp lines with a walk that oozed charisma. Lily, in contrast, held the appearance of what humans thought an angel looked like even if she never acted like it. Her short stature didn't make her look fat but like a miniature doll, with her curves and lily white skin.  
What was Aziraphale compared to the great loves of his life?  
Bookish, pernickety and fat. People already assumed Lily and Crowley were a couple before they realise they are actually a triad and Aziraphale had managed to slot himself in.

He had never felt much about his corperation before, it got him places and his lovers seemed to like it just fine, but now he thought about it. His arms had started to creep around his middle and he could feel the extra pounds he had gained, even after being given a new one by that boy Adam.

Perhaps they were just being nice. Crowley had stopped asking to go for lunch lately and Lily hadn’t said anything about the lack of meals out.

Oh no, maybe he was getting fat. Maybe that was why they didn’t want to go out, because they could see he was getting fat and were trying to get him to loose it.

The thought spread like wildfire through his brain and curled sickly in his gut, like a gnarled hand that decided his heart needed to plummet as well. Aziraphale swallowed and tasted bile. Maybe it was time to start a diet.

The girls giggled and left.

* * *

Over the coming days Aziraphale had cut down on his eating. He had also replaced all his biscuits with fruit and all the meals he did partake in were vegetables. Lily seemed to welcome the addition of fruit, often eating the apples, and it confirmed his suspicions. Crowley had tried to cuddle him on multiple occasions and Aziraphale had sent him away saying he needed to work and Crowley was distracting him. Slowly Crowley stopped trying and his affections had been directed towards Lily. Aziraphale noticed the demon become more sombre and he asked Aziraphale more and more if the angel still loved him. It hurt pushing him away. And Lily seemed to have picked up that Aziraphale didn’t want to be touched and he had caught her, on multiple occasions, almost touch or turn to give him a kiss before thinking better of it and leaving the room. He would find her later with red rimmed eyes and would make her a cup of tea in apology. He wanted to tell them it wasn’t them, but then that would raise questions and he was thinking of their happiness in the long run.

  
Meanwhile Aziraphale had lost enough eight that the body looked almost the same as when he’d acquired it. But there was still that voice that told him he was disgusting and fat. He had, on more than one occasion, grabbed something to eat only to stare at it as that sick feeling rose in him again. The food would be left uneaten. He’d still feel terrible.

Lily walked into the back room one day, apple in hand, and pressed a kiss to Crowley’s cheek where he sprawled across the sofa giving Aziraphale longing looks. Aziraphale sat at his desk where he had been trying to decipher where Adam’s new additions should go. He hadn’t really gotten a chance to organise them with the new delivery he had ordered before the Apoca- nothing that had only just arrived.

He hadn’t been paying attention when hands made their way from his shoulders and slowly dragged down as the owner bent to hug him. Aziraphale panicked, “Lily dearest, I’m busy.” He tried not to sound too distressed. Lily hummed sleepily.  
“I’m not stopping you.” Her hands slid lower. And lower…and  
“Stop!”

Lily drew back like she had been burned. Aziraphale hadn’t mean to sound so stern but his distress had taken over and panic had chosen his volume. He had managed to move without knowing it and now stood on the opposite side of the room, arms wrapped tightly around him.  
Aziraphale regretted his actions immediately.

Lily stood by his chair, her arms drawn up to her chest and she wouldn’t look up from where her eyes had settled on the floor, but he could tell there was tears in her eyes. “I-I’m sorry. Sorry I’ll…just sorry.” She muttered. He wanted to hug her, kiss her gently and tell her he didn’t mean it. But his mind reminded him of his squishiness and the anxiety cemented his legs in place.

Thank whoever for Crowley.

The demon first made sure Lily was alright and when she gave him a nod, he focused his attention on his angel. “You ok, Angel?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale’s words failed him as Crowley crept across the room. Behind Crowley Lily had copied Aziraphale’s pose, her arms around herself but it seemed it was to slow her shaking.  
“Petal.” Aziraphale found himself saying, Lily gave him a shaky smile.  
“it’s ok.” She whispered, “I’m ok.” But she wasn’t.

Crowley had made his way to Aziraphale, arms out in front like Aziraphale was a scared animal. Rightly the angel should have felt annoyed at the treatment, but as soon as Crowley touched his arm lightly, he gave up. Tears burst from him, Aziraphale couldn’t stop them, his legs gave out and he sank to the floor as all the sadness and pain from his hateful thoughts spilled out through his eyes,. Crowley went with him and Lily sat closer to them, but a safe distance from Aziraphale. It broke his heart that he had put the distance between them again, between him and them.

He wanted to be held, needed to be held, but the voice was back. It told him they would see. They would feel the fat and they would recoil from him.  
He told it to fuck off. He needed them, needed to reassure them and himself that they were ok despite this. Only physical intimacy would prove that to him, as they both wouldn’t allow him near if they didn’t still love him.  
Crowley was soft, even though he was a demon, and Aziraphale crumbled when he felt the demon pulled him closer.  
“What’s wrong angel?” Crowley asked. A hand hesitantly rubbed at his back and he realised it was Lily. She was trying to comfort him when he had just shouted at her.  
“I’m sor- sorry.” Aziraphale hiccupped, “I just- I just felt.” He hesitated. He wasn’t sure if they’d laugh at him. “Do you think I’m fat.” Out in one, quick like a plaster. Hopefully the sting wouldn’t follow his words.  
“No.” “No, never” they both said. No hesitation. No need to think about it.  
Crowley tilted his head up so they could make eye contact, and how he loved that Crowley no longer wore his glasses. Aziraphale could see all the love and devotion in his eyes.  
“Is that what you thought? That you were anything but perfect?” There was sadness in his voice. Aziraphale tried to kiss him, to banish the pain in his demon’s face, but Crowley turned his face away. “Not now love, we need to talk about this.” He said.

“We love you no matter what.” Lily piped up, closer this time and had wrapped an arm around him carefully, “Who told you you’re fat?”  
Aziraphale shrugged, “Gabriel may have mentioned it.”  
Lily and Crowley shared a look that promised the murder of an archangel and, although it warmed his heart and beat that voice into a bloody pulp, he could not allow them to do such a thing.  
“Please don’t my dears, it wouldn’t do to have heaven at our doors.”  
Crowley tensed for a second then relaxed again. He pressed his forehead to Aziraphale’s, “Fine, but we’re going to cuddle on the bed and talk about this.”  
Aziraphale was happy to do so. The feeling squirmed in his stomach again, but Lily pressed in close and Crowley ducked to hide his face in Aziraphale’s throat with a sigh. The feeling died. It would come back but he had his beloved’s to chase it away when it did.

**Author's Note:**

> So I did say I had more in store for our triad.   
> Next we look at why Crowley's being more cuddly than Aziraphale expected and why he doesn't want to leave the book shop. Then after we may have what Lily thought was happening at the end here.
> 
> Much love to you all.


End file.
